I can't believe you clicked onto this page. Writing? Seriously? You're interested in writing? That probably means you're also interested in reading! What are you, some kind of nerd? Except, reading isn't even nerdy anymore – nerds watch TV and movies and play video games, they don't read. No, reading is beneath nerdiness. It is sub-nerdy. It used to be at the point where people would just say they read to look smart – anyone whose online profile includes books like, Catcher in the Rye or To Kill a Mockingbird is only trying to appear well-read by listing the books he or she was forced to read in high school.

But now reading is at the point where people are openly admitting they don't do it. Now it is common to see online profiles with descriptions boldly stating, "I don't read." Yes, most of my research consists of what I see in social media, that's kind of the way the world works these days so I think I'm okay.

"But David," you ask, if only to show that you've kept up with me for at least two paragraphs, "why is reading so important?" Simple: Because, the fewer people there are in the world who read a lot, the cockier those people will be. We need more people to read so we can, together, curb the literary elites' egos.

You heard me: I hate those ego-bloated hipsters as much as anyone. One hundred years ago, before it was possible to beam visions of orange New Jerseyans into people's homes, everybody read (except for the lower classes, I suppose). It was just the thing that everybody did. But now, because nobody likes reading – thanks to better forms of entertainment being so ubiquitous – those who still do it are totally lame about it. "TV? Oh, I don't watch much TV... I prefer reading." It is that singular brand of "unintentional" condescention that we, as a people, are allowing to run rampant by our tendencies to not read.

So, please, join me in the fight against cultural decay, and the rise of egotistical hipsters, by reading some of the stupid stuff I wrote. Even if it makes you worse than a nerd.

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